People with Regret

“Perdonare,” the woman mumbled.

I had to swallow between words. “What was she saying?”

She gently lowered my shoulders. “Forgive.”

“Forgive her? him?”

My head touched the earth. I felt moist blood trickling down my temples.

“Yourself,” she said.

My body was locking up.

[For one more day – Mitch Albom]

Ramadan is about to end. Syawal is about to come. Eid Al-Fitr is right in front of our eyes. We will be busy saying sorry, in hope that in this ending we will really got any kind of ‘victory’.

Saying sorry is a good thing. It might as well be a great thing to forgive. 

But lately ive been haunted by this kind of thought :

Everytime I say sorry,

 do people really forgive me,

when even myself havent forgiven mine?

                                      ***

Before saying sorry to anyone, It might be better for us to forgive ourselves first. No, dont imagine yourself talking in front of the mirror saying ‘sorry’ and the reflection across you will reply ‘ya Ive forgiven you’. But yes, What I mean is forgiving whats inside. What I really mean is : to regret, to contemplate and to repent.

Doing wrong thing is always bad. But we are human not angels.. Theres always the same opportunities for everyone, whoever she/he is, to goes wrong, to commit sins. The only good thing after doing wrong is that we can always regret (as long as we’re still breathing), as we realize that what weve done is bad. We can contemplate, tryin to find the reason and the way  how can we turn back and how to avoid doing the same mistakes. And we can repent (read : tawbah), turn back to Allah, where we belong.
1 months. 

Have weve done much in this month? How much do we change? 
Honestly, I really am not ready to face tomorrow. It feels like ive been nothing in this blessed month. When I know that evil isnt here when its Ramadan, I am asking myself then ‘ who were triggering myself doing or thinking bad about something?’. I even feel afraid to myself, because I finally see it clearer that : my biggest enemy is actually, myself. And without Allah, I even cant fight the battle against myself. What a shame :’)

Ramadan is really about to end. It is. Is it too late for us to please Allah?

I hope were not. Because in fact, we’re still given this chance to blink our eyes and breath the air. We are living. And thats a good news because it means that we have time to do the think He love :  

Verily, Allah is happier with the repentance of His slave than the happiness of a person who lost his camel in a desert land and then finds it (unexpectedly)”.

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

 Theres always to ways of reacting, whenever we commits sins:

1. to be okay with it. Because we get used to repeat the mistakes all over again, or 

2. to feel guilty, to admit that we are wrong, to say sorry,and work on how can we change to be better and not doing the same mistakes again? To do tawbah..

May we choose the 2nd 🙂

May be, we can fully forgive ourself when we seriously do the repentance to Allah and truly believe that He always forgive us, as long as we regret and work hard for not doing the mistakes again.

And by that, hopefully we get the meaning of all “sorry” words we say to everybody in celebrating Eid. Sorry means we really feel guilty of what weve done to them, and strive on the way for not doing the same mistakes to that person, again.
In the end of this Ramadan.. May we blessed with sincere forgiveness both from The Sky and also the earth  :’)

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