People with Regret

“Perdonare,” the woman mumbled.

I had to swallow between words. “What was she saying?”

She gently lowered my shoulders. “Forgive.”

“Forgive her? him?”

My head touched the earth. I felt moist blood trickling down my temples.

“Yourself,” she said.

My body was locking up.

[For one more day – Mitch Albom]

Ramadan is about to end. Syawal is about to come. Eid Al-Fitr is right in front of our eyes. We will be busy saying sorry, in hope that in this ending we will really got any kind of ‘victory’.

Saying sorry is a good thing. It might as well be a great thing to forgive. 

But lately ive been haunted by this kind of thought :

Everytime I say sorry,

 do people really forgive me,

when even myself havent forgiven mine?

                                      ***

Before saying sorry to anyone, It might be better for us to forgive ourselves first. No, dont imagine yourself talking in front of the mirror saying ‘sorry’ and the reflection across you will reply ‘ya Ive forgiven you’. But yes, What I mean is forgiving whats inside. What I really mean is : to regret, to contemplate and to repent.

Doing wrong thing is always bad. But we are human not angels.. Theres always the same opportunities for everyone, whoever she/he is, to goes wrong, to commit sins. The only good thing after doing wrong is that we can always regret (as long as we’re still breathing), as we realize that what weve done is bad. We can contemplate, tryin to find the reason and the way  how can we turn back and how to avoid doing the same mistakes. And we can repent (read : tawbah), turn back to Allah, where we belong.
1 months. 

Have weve done much in this month? How much do we change? 
Honestly, I really am not ready to face tomorrow. It feels like ive been nothing in this blessed month. When I know that evil isnt here when its Ramadan, I am asking myself then ‘ who were triggering myself doing or thinking bad about something?’. I even feel afraid to myself, because I finally see it clearer that : my biggest enemy is actually, myself. And without Allah, I even cant fight the battle against myself. What a shame :’)

Ramadan is really about to end. It is. Is it too late for us to please Allah?

I hope were not. Because in fact, we’re still given this chance to blink our eyes and breath the air. We are living. And thats a good news because it means that we have time to do the think He love :  

Verily, Allah is happier with the repentance of His slave than the happiness of a person who lost his camel in a desert land and then finds it (unexpectedly)”.

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

 Theres always to ways of reacting, whenever we commits sins:

1. to be okay with it. Because we get used to repeat the mistakes all over again, or 

2. to feel guilty, to admit that we are wrong, to say sorry,and work on how can we change to be better and not doing the same mistakes again? To do tawbah..

May we choose the 2nd 🙂

May be, we can fully forgive ourself when we seriously do the repentance to Allah and truly believe that He always forgive us, as long as we regret and work hard for not doing the mistakes again.

And by that, hopefully we get the meaning of all “sorry” words we say to everybody in celebrating Eid. Sorry means we really feel guilty of what weve done to them, and strive on the way for not doing the same mistakes to that person, again.
In the end of this Ramadan.. May we blessed with sincere forgiveness both from The Sky and also the earth  :’)

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13 – 29 Ramadhan : Lessons learned 

Tulisan ini didedikasikan untuk seorang sahabat yang mengajak (atau menantang wkwk) untuk memperjuangkan apa yang sering ingin kita perjuangkan tapi kadang selalu jadi wacana… Ya, kamu euy. Kamu, Khairunnisa.

dan untuk mereka, yang mungkin ngerasa cuma ngelakuin hal sederhana : nanyain nanda “tulisan hari ini belum ada ya nand? Lagi sibuk?”, atau kirim chat dengan capslock “NAND JANGAN LUPA NULIS HEHE”. atau balas snapgram nanda “lah main-main sempet tapi kok nulis ga sempet naaaan” dan lainnya yang menurut kalian itu ga berarti apa-apa.. but that seriously means a lot to me :’) Nanda emang sering lupa dan lalai, dan kehadiran pengingat pengingat itu rasanya sangat berarti….. banget.

Dengan tulisan ini, nanda (dan khai) ingin meminta maaf karna bahkan nanda ga bisa memenuhi janji kita ke diri sendiri untuk lebih disiplin, yang kali ini diwujudkan dengan nulis setiap hari di Ramadan Writing Challenge bersama Khai (nanda di wordpress, Khai di tumblr).

Kenapa nanda minta maaf disini juga? Karna nanda terlanjur menyebut janjinya di snapgram dan itu berarti nanda sudah berjanji ke beberapa orang yang liat saat itu bahwa nanda akan nulis setiap hari di akun ig/wordpress ini… hehe how small it is, its still a promise right?:’

 Rasanya pengen nangis tapi masalahnya air mata ga bisa memutarbalik waktu :’)

Jadi dengan ini nanda dan khai menyatakan kegagalan kami. Ya, bahkan untuk tantangan dari diri sendiri aja kita kalah.. 

We might failed the challenge, but I dont want to see us failing the learning proccess of what weve started too.

So here, I want to share some lessons that ive got during the challenge, so it might leave more than just regrets and guilty feeling for me and Khai :’) Here they are : 

1. Gak pernah ada yang salah dari memulai. Kalaupun ada, yang salah itu adalah kurang matangnya persiapan, bukan ‘memulainya’ itu sendiri. Kita (nanda dan khai) boleh jadi kecewa karna kita gagal memenuhi tantangan 29 hari dan terhenti saat baru setengah jalan. Tapi kabar baiknya, itu lebih baik dibanding kita selalu berwacana di garis “start” tanpa pernah jalan atau bahkan merangkak sama sekali. Biasanya kita berhenti bahkan sesaat setelah kita ngomong lo, cuma bunyi tanpa aksi :’  Hm, jadi ya.. ga ada salahnya kali ini kita bersyukur ditengah kutukan dan ratapan sedih ini kan? :’)

Kita ga bisa terus-terusan langsung ingin jadi sempurna saat kita masih amatiran. Emang mesti ngaku salah ngaku bego kalo kita bener-bener mau belajar.

2. Poin 1 bukanlah pembenaran, hanya sedikit bentuk ‘apresiasi‘. Because our brain -spesifically and emotionally- our amygdala, need both  fears and reward, isnt it? 🙂 

3. Kita gak pernah sesibuk itu, tapi kita  terlalu memanjakan diri dengan alasan-alasan yang akhirnya membenarkan penyataan kalau “kita sibuk!” Padahal kesibukan kita bukan apa-apa dibanding orang lain yang bahkan emang disibukkan sama hal-hal yg jauh lebih bermanfaat.

4. Semua tentang prioritas. Ketika yang kita prioritaskan memang hal ‘penting’, hal-hal penting bahkan hal remeh temeh lainnya bakal bisa terlaksana.

10 hari pertama, saat masih semangat-semangatnya mengejar target amalan harian Ramadan, mengusahakan hal wajib dan sunnah bisa terpenuhi, rasanya semua beban kuliah, bantuin mama, sosialisasi bareng temen, bahkan baca novel sekalipun, semua terjalani. Ntah gimana caranya, semua yg biasanya keteteran, bisa jadi lebih rapi. Terbukti memang kalau Prioritas kita adalah untuk Sang Pemilik Waktu, waktu akan selalu ada untuk kita, di jalan yg baik , inshaAllah.

Tapi sayangnya cuma bisa pertahanin itu 10 hari.. 20 hari kemudian.. jangan ditanya :’) hiks

5. Musuh kita adalah diri kita sendiri, terutama ketika kita menunda dan membesarkan serta membenarkan alasanalasan yang semakin memanjakan sekaligus mematikan.

Setelah 10 hari pertama, ada ‘tamu’ yang datang dan mempersilakan untuk ga shalat dan ga baca Al-Quran yg akhirnya juga bikin malas bangun sahur, dst dst. Ya, itu normal, tapi kita sering melebih-lebihkan alasan untuk memanjakan diri. Semua alasan ditelan mentah-mentah. 

Sampai akhirnya ‘tamu’ itu pergi pun, ada banyak hal yg terlewatkan termasuk menulis karna kita udah terbiasa manja, dan semakin rajin membuat alasan yang makin lama beranak pinak : besok ujian, ada agenda persiapan KKN, ketemu pembimbing skripsi, belajar untuk tutorial, acara reunian yang cuma sekali setahun, dan seterusnya dan seterusnya sampai alasannya jadi satu kampung :’) 

 Jadi faktanya, kita ga pernah terlalu sibuk. Asal prioritas kita hal yg ‘penting’. Yang penting? Apa? 

 Segala hal yang mendekatkan kita ke Allah.

6. Ada banyak hal-hal baru tentang menulis yang kita pelajari : cara menulis cepat 15 menit (supaya menulis ga dijadikan alasan untuk mengganggu kita yg ‘katanya’ sibuk), jenis tulisan yang benar-benar cocok dengan kita (karena ternyata kebanyakan kita terpengaruh dengan gaya nulis orang lain yang, hm mungkin aja ga nyaman untuk kita pakai), tentang pentingnya riset (riset 90%, nulis 10%), dan banyak lagi. 

7. Kita belajar untuk tumbuh bersama tulisan-tulisan kita. Tulisan itu bukan bukti seberapa baik seseorang, tapi sebuah ‘harapan’ ingin menjadi apa dia. Apalagi untuk orang-orang yg ilmunya minim kaya kita, semakin kita ingin menulis, semakin banyak hal yg perlu kita pelajari sebelumnya. Dan tanpa sadar, hey, setelah menulis, kita jadi tau banyak hal yang sebelumnya belum kita tau 🙂 

8. Penjara yang paling menyiksa adalah terkurung dalam prasangka orang lain, dan mencoba menyenangkan semua orang. Dan ketika kita bisa melakukan sesuatu bukan karna orang lain, berarti kita berusaha membebaskan diri kita sendiri, bukan? 

Biasanya, kita lebih termotivasi menulis ketika ada tugas, ada lomba, tapi kali ini.. kita melakukannya karna tantangan, bukan dari siapa-siapa, melainkan dari diri kita sendiri. Karna kita tau tujuan utama tulisan kita sebenarnya adalah pelajaran untuk diri kita sendiri di masa depan. 

Dan terlalu pelit jika disimpan sendiri. Jika ada orang lain yang merasa itu bermanfaat, alhamdulillah. Jika tidakpun, tak masalah. Karna kuta tau tujuan utama kita.

The more I write the more I know that writing is not about trying to speak to others outside, its about struggling to listen my voice hidden inside.

9. Time flies, and it flies faster when we dont count it. Doing something daily, makes the day more counted. 

Ya.. waktunya terbang, sama kayak Ramadan yang udah berlalu. Semoga kita bisa terus belajar dan memperbaiki diri lagi sampai kita bisa ketemu Ramadan tahun depan dengan lebih maksimal lagi. (Aamiin) 💕

Will you?

Everybody love to eat. 

Some people learn to cook.

Most of people are able to read. 

Some of them choose to write.

Every human can learn.

Some are feeling happy to teach.

Everyone used to consume. 

Some manage their time to produce.

Every creature receive.

Some want to share and give.

Everybody enjoy being served. (Who doesnt?)

But only some people find the joy of serving and sharing what they have.

 Everyone want to accept kindness.

Only few people love to pay forward.

Will you be the one who want to sacrifice your time to pay forward? 
Will I? 

12 Ramadhan : Tentang Menyampaikan dan Mengingatkan

“Kenapa sih menyampaikan (tabligh) jadi sifat wajib Rasulullah, manusia yang paling mulia? Kalau benar (shiddiq) ya harus, cerdas (fathanah) juga mesti, dapat dipercaya (amanah) sih wajib banget, ya kita tau lah ya kenapa. Tapi menyampaikan? hebatnya apa?”

Ada begitu banyak pertanyaan keliru yang kadang dengan kurang ajarnya keluar dari mulut kita. Salah satunya pertanyaan dari seorang gadis kecil di atas. Ya, itu sebego-begonya pertanyaan yang terfikirkan oleh saya saat itu, kira-kira 6 tahun yang lalu.

Menyampaikan, hebatnya apa? Semua orang bisa kan? 

Saya berhenti mempertanyakannya ketika sadar bahwa menyampaikan tanggungjawabnya besar sekali :”)

Ketika saya menyampaikan kultum jumat saat SMA (bukan karna saya siapa-siapa, tapi memang udah gilirannya maju di sistem piket hehe) tentang kejujuran saat mengerjakan ujian, beberapa saat setelah itu saya langsung diuji dengan kondisi akademik yang merosot dan sangat menyedihkan. Rasanya godaan untuk berlaku curang supaya ‘lolos’ dan ngga remed itu sudah menguap di seluruh udara di sekitar saya. Bahkan ada yang bilang dengan gamblang “kayaknya kalo kamu ‘lurus-lurus’ aja kamu ga bakal lulus, deh. Udahlah..”

Saya jadi berpikir : Kalau saya ga lulus, saya akan malu di hadapan orang. Kalau saya lulus tapi dengan cara curang, saya akan malu dihadapan diri saya sendiri karna saya mengingkari apa yang saya sampaikan :’) dan rasanya ga ada yang lebih memalukan daripada membohongi diri sendiri kan. Akhirnya, mati-matianlah saya berusaha lulus ujian akademik, pun ujian untuk ‘berjuang’ bersama apa-apa yang saya sampaikan.

Menyampaikan, hebatnya apa? Semua orang bisa kan? 

Saya berhenti mempertanyakannya ketika sadar bahwa apa-apa yang saya sampaikan hari ini adalah apa-apa yang akan menghampiri dan menampar saya di kemudian hari.

Entah itu perkataan, tulisan, atau apapun yang kita bagikan ke orang lain, nantinya akan kembali kepada kita untuk menguji apakah kita sudah sesuai atau belum dengan apa-apa yang kita sampaikan. Dan itu, ternyata, nggak mudah :’) Tapi barangkali itu cara Allah untuk membuat kita tumbuh bersama apa-apa yang kita sampaikan dan  agar kita tidak jadi orang yang dibenci olehNya.

“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, kenapakah kamu mengatakan sesuatu yang tidak kamu kerjakan? Amat besar kebencian di sisi Allah bahwa kamu mengatakan apa-apa yang tidak kamu kerjakan.”

(QS. Ash-Shaf: 2-3)

Kita akan diuji sesuai apa-apa yang kita sampaikan.

Duh, berat ya emang kalau menyampaikan, yaudah kalau kalo gitu lebih baik kita diam-diam aja ya? biasa-biasa aja.. 

Nah, jangan gagal paham. Bukan berarti ketika sesuatu itu berat, kita baiknya minggat. Bukan berarti ketika dia gak mudah, akhirnya nggak indah. Pernah denger ga kalau kejahatan menang bukan karena banyak penjahat yang hidup di dunia yang kejam ini, tapi karena banyaknya orang baik yang saling diam dan mendiamkan?

 Amar Ma’ruf Nahyi Munkar (Mengajak kepada kebaikan dan menghindari keburukan) itu juga perintahNya. Menyampaikan apapun yang baik akan terasa berat ketika ga ada yang mengingatkan. Sebagai manusia, memang alamiah bagi kita untuk lupa. Tapi syukurnya, kita juga diperintahkanNya untuk saling mengingatkan. Ketika kita bahkan lupa terhadap apa-apa yang pernah kita sampaikan, ada orang lain yang mengingatkan kita, dengan cara baik-baik. Rasanya.. ga ada cara ‘bertumbuh’ yang lebih baik dari pada itu : Saling Menyampaikan dan Mengingatkan.

“Dan hendaklah ada di antara kamu segolongan umat yang

menyeru kepada kebajikan, menyuruh kepada yang ma’ruf dan mencegah dari yang mungkar, merekalah orang-orang yang beruntung

(QS : Ali Imran, 104)

Kamu adalah umat yang terbaik yang dilahirkan untuk manusia, menyuruh kepada yang ma’ruf, dan mencegah dari yang munkar, dan beriman kepada Allah.

(QS. Ali Imron: 110)

 

“Demi masa. Sesungguhnya manusia benar-benar dalam keadaan merugi.

Kecuali orang-orang yg senantiasa beriman dan beramal saleh dan saling menasehati di dalam kebenaran dan menasehati dalam kesabaran”

(QS.Al-Asr: 1-3)

Semenjak tamparan-tamparan yang datang setelah menyampaikan apapun itu, saya baru mulai berhenti bertanya “Apa sih yang spesial dari tabligh?”

Walau keadaannya berbeda dengan konteks tabligh pada saat Rasulullah SAW menebar kebaikan dulu, tapi satu hal yang saya pahami, menyampaikan gak pernah segampang itu..

***

-dari yang mencoba menyampaikan, dan perlu setiaaap detik diingatkan.

11 Ramadan : Semua laki-laki itu sama?

“Semua laki-laki itu sama!”

Sering ngga sih dengar kata-kata itu?

Entah siapa yang memulainya, tapi rasanya itu kalimat yang udah nggak asing lagi terdengar di sekitar kita. Entah cuma bercanda, ataupun saat memang sedang kesal terhadap seseorang.

Jadi, apa benar semua laki-laki itu sama? Jangan tanya saya, haha. Tanya aja langsung sama mereka ^^” Tapi bukan itu masalahnya. Hal yang sebenarnya akan dibahas disini adalah tentang generalisasi, kebiasaan kita untuk menyamaratakan respon terhadap hal yang sebenarnya berbeda, namun datang kepada kita dengan stimulasi yang sama. Dari kecil memang kita sudah terbiasa melakukan hal ini. Misalnya, kita menyebut semua hal yang dapat diduduki sebagai “kursi” atau memanggil semua wanita “mama” padahal itu bukan ibu kita. Ya, itu hal yang normal di masa awal kita mulai mengenal dunia.

Mirisnya, saat sudah dewasa, kita sering menyalahgunakan kemampuan kita untuk melakukan generalisasi, menyamaratakan sesuatu.

Contohnya malam ini, ketika menggulir (baca : scroll) linimasa instagram, saya menemukan suatu kumpulan foto polisi yang sedang membantu masyarakat yang berada dalam kesulitan. Dan sontak ketika melihat pos semacam itu, kita langsung berdecak “Wah, masih ada ya, yang baik banget gitu!”. Kenapa? Karna selama ini kita sudah sering termakan generalisasi bahwa semua polisi itu sama, sama-sama suka menilang dengan tujuan untuk mencari keuntungan, dan sebagainya. Padahal kenyataannya? Kita ga bisa menyimpulkan sesuatu hanya karna kita pernah melihat kejadian itu sebelumnya terjadi pada kita.

Bukan berarti saat banyak yang mengatakan bahwa polisi suka sembarang tilang, lantas kita melupakan perjuangan mereka yang memang menjadi polisi karena berniat baik ingin menegakkan peraturan dan menertibkan masyarakat. 

Bukan berarti saat banyak yang berasumsi bahwa dokter suka mencari keuntungan dan kekayaan dari pasien, kita lupa bahwa ada mereka yang menghabiskan usianya karena benar-benar ingin membantu menyembuhkan. Yang jika mereka hanya ingin mencari kekayaan dan prestise, mereka bisa mencari pekerjaan lain, bukan dokter.

Penyamarataan kadang memang bisa berdampak buruk.

Bayangkan seorang anak yang memang memiliki niat baik untuk memperbaiki kondisi negara ini dan bercita-cita suatu saat ingin menjadi pemimpin. Tapi ketika dia mempercayai generalisasi bahwa dunia di atas sana tidak baik, politik semakin lama semakin tidak benar, kotor, maka sedikit banyaknya anak ini akan memikirkan untuk menimbun niat baiknya tadi. Dan sebagai dampaknya, akhirnya memang mereka yang ‘tidak benar’ yang semakin memenuhi ruang-ruang politik tadi. (ini hanya contoh, perumpamaan)

Dalam dunia penelitian, kita bisa menarik kesimpulan ketika kita memiliki data, terutama yang kuantitatif, misal; ketika kita melakukan sensus penduduk, lalu menyimpulkan sesuatu dari data yang kita dapatkan tersebut. Sementara untuk hal-hal yang bersifat kualitatif, yang ditekankan adalah pendalaman informasi hingga mencapai titik makna, jadi kita tidak bisa langsung menyimpulkan suatu generalisasi tidak sempurna, kecuali jika kita melakukan prosedur pengujian lagi terhadap hal tsb.

Sederhananya, kualitas seseorang secara personal nggak pernah bisa kita simpulkan hanya dari pekerjaannya, pergaulannya, lingkungannya, dsbnya, walaupun nggak bisa dipungkiri kalau hal-hal tadi bisa mempengaruhi orang tersebut.

When it comes to  personal things, we cant generalize people.

Kita bukan hanya dianugerahi kemampuan untuk menyamaratakan sesuatu (generalisasi), tapi juga kemampuan untuk membedakan satu hal dengan hal lain (diskriminasi). Dan keduanya, sama-sama kita butuhkan.

Kembali ke topik awal, yang saya yakin pertanyaan ini menjurus kepada kualitas, sesuatu yang nggak segamblang itu untuk bisa diukur :

Ketika ada laki-laki yang menurutmu tidak baik, mengecewakan, dsb apakah lantas kita boleh menyimpulkan bahwa mereka sama?

Jadi, apa semua laki-laki itu sama?

Hahaha, ya dari penjelasan tadi mungkin bisa sama-sama kita tebak jawabannya apa.

Dont loose hope, girls. 

Masih ada laki-laki baik di luar sana, percayalah.

Masalahnya tinggal apakah kita bisa membedakannya

dan apakah kita cukup baik untuk mereka atau tidak.

***

 

 

 

(HAHAHHAHHAHA. Kenapa anak kecil ini jadi mendadak bijak :”) wkwk maafkan segala kesoktahuan ini.)

Salam! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

#Fiction : The Rainbow among Us

The Rainbow among Us

By : Oktafiani Tri Ananda 

            Can you imagine what it would be like to live your life in a perfect country? The land beneath your starry night sky is a superclean country that have a well-organized system in every aspect and you never feel there’s something wrong you can complain about. Far away from the hustle bustle of the city, the sun shines through spaces among the leaves in a beautiful and prosperous village which no one can`t help his own self not to smile peacefully – enjoying the awesome scenery.

Ever feel like you are the luckiest citizen in the world?No need to cry when you don`t have enough money to get your mom cured from her disease. No need to blame poor parents of the inability to see their kids wearing school uniforms after working hard all days and nights. No need to feel sad or mad at the beggar or street chilldren because you even can`t find them here.No need to do that. It was a land where corruptors give up doing what they want, and citizenries passionately dream and stuggle to live their life to the fullest.

 

2014:

‘Somewhere-we-dont-belong’ was the name of the country. No one has ever imagined it can transform to be this kind of flawlessness. Poverty, pollution, corruption and other social problems were just old stories long before a wise person named Ashcent led the country.

Ashcent is the president of this huge country which consist of ten provinces including Thayeeland, Bruneland, Cambdiland, Endoland, Leosland, Malaeland, Myaniland, Philipland, Singpoland, and Vietland. He has been leading the country for four years and has made so much significant improvement. Somewhere-we-dont-belong no longer belongs to a developing country. People around the world were admiring this country.

Each province of this country has its own uniqueness.

One day in the middle of my trip exploring Thayeeland I found the wallet of a Thayeezen, citizen of Thayeeland. It belongs to a woman named Suchin. I found an interesting thing written on her identity card. The first name of the young woman is Thayee, so her full name become ‘Thayee Suchin’.

The day I returned the wallet to Suchin was when the story began. We talked about many things. She told me that in this country, first name defines everything: Which province s/he comes from, What accent the people live in her province speak, the cultures, the general characters of the people and even whatbelief they possess. It applies in all provinces of the country. She said that this ‘first name rule’ is the idea of the founding fathers of the country who were really proud of each culture of the province.

In the end of our conversation, I said “Thanks for this cool information,Suchin! Unfortunately now I have to go. Congratulation for living in such a perfect country!”

She replied “You may congratulate another citizen, but not me. President is always busy constructing the system. People in the provinces are busy competing in making proud their own province by their own achievement. Students can go to school freely. No difference between the rich and the poor. But it has become a common thing to see the smart students who come from a province to bully and underestimate the students  who come from another. And It isn`t happening just at schools!  It may seem a small case for now, but still..  I am a citizen with a big fear in my mind.”

Her respond was out of my prediction. I wanted to reply, but since my plane would take off in only two hours later, I must leave to the airport soon. I gave her my email adress, asked her to keep in touch then left.

Two hours later, I was sitting inside the plane and thought again about what Suchin said. I looked outside the window and saw a lot of modern buildings slipped by some traditional architectures and in some areas I saw colorful flowers spreading in green carpets. The higher the plane flied me away through the sky, the higher my curiosity about many things in this awesome country grew.

 

 

2015 :

It is no longer being a big fear in Suchin’s mind. The big chaos just happened in somewhere-we-dont-belong. Its shopisticated technologies, its prosperity and others were still admired by everyone. But it became meaningless since the conflicts in this country grow bigger time by time.

It was the first time for Aschent to face a big problem that he couldn’t easily handle. Every cultures has its own stuffs to be of their pride. But here, everything they have led them into conflicts. The intelligence and pride without tollerance was becoming a real disaster for them.

Bruneland and Singpoland, two provinces that is being separated by waters was in the state of shopisticated war. They used their technologies to snatch away the natural disasters of each other`s. Thayeezens and Cambdizens fighted and fired the traditional buildings on another. Malaezens and Endozens were busy in claiming their own heritages.Suchin called this moment as a clash between the aim of founding fathers to make each culture special and the ambition of new leader to realize a prosperous country. There was something missing between those good intentions.

It was impossible for Aschent to let this happen without action. He could barely see these conflicts anymore. After some discussions held and after long search of what the main cause of all these problems were, Aschent decided to make a new regulation. Regulation that supposed to be a wise and modern thought for some citizens, but in fact grew bigger fear to the others. Some people faced towards this regulation. But Aschent had no other idea to solve the problems.

So it was officially decided.

The new regulation was to delete the first name of all citizens in their own identity card. Everyone ought to cover their origins, cultures and beliefs because the leader thought it will just bring more harm than good to them. It`s their right to love theirs, but just keep it in their hearts. Last time I met up with Suchin. She showed me her decent name : Its only ‘Suchin’ without ‘Thayee’ in the beginning.

         

2020 :

This was the third time I stepped my foot on this country. I haven`t heard anything about it since Suchin told me the new regulation occured,dated back five years ago. Only a few news in the television told me that the conflict hasgradually abated and Somewhere-we-dont-belong has made a lot of improvement as time passes by.I looked into the streets, the buildings, the parks. They were still the same but with more innovation that made it more shopisticated. There was no noise sound, there was no conflict. I was relieved. I continued my steps and finally met Suchin, we were bestfriend since those wallet case. I enjoyed walking in the streets. Everything seemed so peaceful but then I suddenly stopped.

I was wrong. It was not a peaceful condition. It was really strange. When i saw the facilities, it was normal, and even better than I’ve known before. But then I turned my attention to the people, the citizens of Somewhere-we-dont-belong. It took me some seconds to realize this whimsicallity. I couldn’t find that artistic traditional architectures anymore! The unique patterns that usually beautify the dress of a girl, I tried hard to open my eyes and searched for it. But what I’ve done was useless. Everything seemed so western. The teenagers and even the kids was so busy with their own gadgets. I turned my sight to the park.

“Wait, where is the the cheerful boys showing the traditional games or the girls learning various dancing on a little dancing studio near the park?”

“What was the word you’ve just said? Tra..di..tion?” Suchin gave me a strange answer.

It took a little time for her to remember and revive her memory about what I’ve said. I tried to ask her more and more about this whimsicallity. But what she told me after that was so pathetic that I couldnt help it. She told me that since the regulation changed, everyone is limited to show their origins, reveal their cultures, admit their beliefs to public. There was a stereotype grew that the difference will just remind them about the trauma of the past conflicts. And it become stronger when Ashcent quoted this in his speech on Independence day :

“Differences will lead you into chaos. If we want to live in harmonious country, we should remind ourselves that we are similar, all of us are the citizens of Somewhere-we dont-belong.”

 

That was the last time I met Suchin.

 

Since that time, I only heard the news about that country from cyber-world. I was so depressed seeing that the youths did suicide in many ways just because they did not know how to feel the emptiness of their souls. The teenagers was really clever because they spent day and night to study but they did not have something attractive to play and interact. Gadget can’t always fulfill what they want.  Everyone became selfish. To solve their problems, most of them choosed to be alcoholics, and even the others consumed drugs that only brought them into two possibilities: rehabillitation or death. What about their beliefs? Can’t the religion help them solving all of those mental illness? Unfortunately, ‘Religion’ was no longer available in their dictionary. It was only availabe in the folk tales and in the heart of those really old people in the country.

It became totally pathetic when I heard about the death of Ashcent. It has been ten years since the first time he ruled the country, but age was not the cause of his death. He died because of unpopular disease caused by ‘Who-knows-Virus’. I watched the television and felt like I was watching a fiction. But it was real! Several days after the article on the internet informed me that those kind of strange viruses only attach the body of people who loose their passion in living life, the one who feel emptiness or the one who suffered adeep sorrow.

The news about Somewhere-we-dont-belong became worst day by day. I tried to contact Suchin but she never answered. I decided to forget everything about that country. I forced myself not to open the window of my curiosity about its mistery.

 

***

 

          Human nowadays believes that they only live once, so did Ashcent. But the thing that he experienced after death has flipped back his belief. ‘You Only Live Once’ slogan was wrong.

He actually didn`t know what was happening to him on that time. He was at the funeral. He saw so many people cried while saying his name. He saw his wife, children, relatives and his beloved citizens.  Yes, it was his funeral.  At first he was really confused. But before he wanted to say anything, he suddenly felt his soul moved slowly from his body.

His soul lifted from his body. There was such a great power that brought and flied him higher and higher with constantly quick speed. He wanted to resist, but it was impossible to go against that great power. He couldn’t do anything beside seeing the earth continuously became smaller and smaller while his sadness grew bigger and bigger. Now he was already lifted far away from earth and he has reached the outer space. His move slowly decreased its speed and finally stopped.

He saw the earth in the size of an apple. He tried to hold it with his hand and he unnoticed that tears flew down from his eyes. Out of the blue,he heard a voice. The volume of the voice got louder as a misterious angel got closer into him. He panicked. He never knew that he can still tremble in the outer space. He tried hard to turned her head and faced the angel but he couldn`t. All he can do was to saw the earth while hearing the angels whispered right in front of his ears.

Some minutes passed and then he knew why he was on that place. It wasnt just an outer space that can be reached by a rocket. The dimension was different. He was in the ‘Death Space’. A place where every leader of Somewhere-we-dont-belong can contemplate his failure after the first death. He was still staring at the earth and he got much memories flashed back and landed on his mind.

Five years ago, he deleted the ‘first name rules’ that mean he deleted the diversity word in his country dictionary. He was calling a catashtrophewhen he covered the differences and uniqueness of its citizens. The conflicts were all in his mind. He forgot all of the beauty beyond the differences that spreaded away on the land of Somewhere-we-dont-belong.

While staring at the earth, he saw a transparant screen revealed the recording of his citizen life long before he made those new regulation. He watched how the people in a province helping the people in another province that suffered by natural disaster. He felt the happiness shining throgh the smiling face of a girl dancing her traditional dance while the others were appreciating her. He saw the peaceful condition while people with different beliefs gathered and do social works together. It was just a little part that has been missing from his lovely country.

He was really sorry to see those beatiful past moments. He blamed himself for being the one who has deleted all chances to feel those happiness of enjoying diversity and turned them into the boredom and emptiness of indifference. If only he could turn back time, he absolutely wont let that thing happen again.He would not forgot the most important thing that was missing from his mind. That one thing he forgot is: The beauty of diversity and how it can become such a miracle to unite many hearts of the people from various part of the world.

The power came back to him and moved his soul closer to the earth. As he saw the earth became bigger, he got the aswer of why he became the first president who died tragically while his citizens were in their worst and saddest condition. Yeah, this is the biggest secret he ever known: That every leader of that country can live twice and travelled through the time they commited their biggest mistake.

The power kept on pushing his soul quickly. In the condition of this strange event, he promised to himself that he would do his best to find another solution and not to cover the diversity. In a little time he would land onto the earth and, Bam! He felt his soul united again with his body that was sleeping five years ago.

 

***

 

2014 in the second chance of Ashcent’s life :

          Ashcent walked outside and saw the chaos were happening everywhere as how he has predicted before. He saw those tragedies but he just smiled. He knew that it would happened and now he know what to do.

***

You might be curious of who I am. Who I am to know all things that happened to Ashcent. No, I am not a ghost. We are the same creatures. We have similarities in many things. But we live in different planet. I dont live in your earth. Since we live in different world, I am able to do some things that you cant, like travelling through the earth-time. But I just can travel time for only one mission on earth. Thats how I digged all informations about Ashcent.

 

The values that we need  to hold are the same. By travelling through the mission of breaking the Ashcent’s mistery, I found the most essential value of the universal humanity, it is the respect of diversity. On the last chance I have the ability to visit earth, I found the real peaceful condition of the country ruled by Ashcent. Last quotes I heard from his speech were :

“Every human is too unique to live in uniformity and indifference. Diversity is not something that need to be covered, It is something that need to be shared and appreciated. And the thing you should know is that : if our wealth is lost, nothing is lost. But when the charater or culture is lost, everything is lost.” After that I walked away and by chance I found the newest map of the earth, I saw the country has changed its name to Somewhere-we-belong.

I am now sitting on my plane, a special plane that you cant imagine, bringing me back to my planet. As I’m leaving the earth, I saw a really beautiful rainbow over Somewhere-we-belong. And I realize a thing that need to be shared to all humans :

“Diversity is like a rainbow. If you want to see its beauty, you can’t combined all the colors or covered some of them. You should revealed all colors and keep their sweet composition.”

Since the leader in my planet dont have the second chance to live, I need to tell them soon. I need to tell them the miracle among diversity and show them the rainbow among human.

10 Ramadan : Sebatas senyum

Pernah ga sih ngerasa kalau terkadang jarak kita dan orang yang kita rasa gak terlalu dekat sama kita hanya sebatas satu senyuman aja?

 

Seringkali apa yang kita anggap remeh, berarti besar untuk orang lain, bahkan untuk mereka yang tidak kita kenal sekalipun.

Coba bayangkan satu hari dimana semangatmu benar-benar hilang, atau semua masalah menumpuk dan kamu gak kuat lagi untuk tidak mengeluh, dan di tengah dunia yang penuh ketidakpedulian ini kamu bertemu satu orang yang tersenyum ke kamu. Entah siapapun itu, dunia yang tadi rasanya hitam putih bisa kembali berwarna lagi hanya karena kamu tahu kalau orang-orangnya gak sejahat itu. Pernah?

Coba bayangkan satu hari yang pasti kamu jalani setiap bulannya (Wahai perempuan! ^^”), dimana bom emosimu siap meledak setiap saat, dimana muka masammu sudah kau persiapkan dari radius sepersekian meter, tapi, ada yang memberanikan diri untuk tetap menyapamu dengan senyum. Dan dengan otot bibirmu yang kaku, kamu berusaha membalasnya, berusaha tersenyum juga walau awalnya terkesan dipaksa. Pernah?

Alhamdulillah, aku pernah.

Kita nggak pernah tau apa yang dialami oleh orang-orang disekitar kita, masalah apa, hal buruk apa, beban apa, perjuangan apa, tapi apapun itu, muka kita yang nggak bersahabat akan menjauhkan kita darinya, dan bahkan… akan menjauhkan orang tersebut dari dirinya sendiri :”)

Seandainya senyuman adalah hal yang remeh temeh, ga mungkin Rasulullah SAW pernah bilang gini :

Janganlah kamu remehkan kebaikan sekecil apapun, walaupun itu hanya menunjukkan wajah yang ramah di hadapan saudaramu

(H.R. Muslim)

Selalu ada dinding yang membatasi kita dengan orang lain, entah itu dinding kesombongan atau apapun, tapi ternyata cara untuk meruntuhkannya ga perlu muluk-muluk, hanya sebatas senyuman.. dan hei, luruh sudah angkuhnya.

Selalu ada perasaan ketika kita ingin berbuat baik tapi tidak tahu apa, merasa minder karna nggak punya apa-apa, lalu kita memilih untuk berwajah ceria ketika bertemu teman, tersenyum.. dan hei, ternyata tidak perlu sebegitu berkecil hati ketika kita sedang tidak punya apa-apa untuk disedekahkan.

Selalu ada alasan untuk kita merasa hampa dan tidak punya alasan untuk tertawa. Tapi itu hanya kamuflase dari betapa tidak bersyukurnya kita, disaat ada otot-otot yang masih sempurna dan bisa digerakkan membentuk simpul berupa pelangi terbalik di bibir kita, dan mengundang umpan balik positif berupa perasaan bahagia.

Little do we realize that sometimes

the distance between current reality and the feeling we expect the most

is only one smile away 🙂

-Nanda, 

yang masih belajar cara tersenyum di kala bom emosi siap meledak setiap bulannya, puft :”)